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Showing posts with label today. Show all posts
Showing posts with label today. Show all posts

Jun 17, 2014

i'm tagged! (the this or that tag)

So.


{I just had to include this picture, sorry. It's so happy.}

I want to give a big shoutout (complete with firecrackers and colorful jellies) to Natasha from Savoring Each Moment and Neeli Vancore from A World of Randomness. They awarded me with the This or That Tag (!!!) and they're amazing so go check out their blogs :)

And just a note, they awarded me this like ages ago but I didn't have time to do it till now (I know, terrible, but I was having exams, so that excuse would have to suffice).


Hair up or down?
I'm good with both. But hair definitely up on hot days.

Dessert or fruit?
Dessert for me, anytime. Unless the dessert is a fruit, which I'm totally okay with. On another note, I've been making gluten free apple crisps like nobody's business and love it so so much. Can I just say how good it is cold or hot? It's de-licious, and so flippin' easy to make. Okay I'm done. :)

Dress or shirt and sweatpants?
Depends on the occasion. I way prefer t-shirts and sweatpants, though. Comfort is top of my list.

One Direction or Jonas Brothers?

...I'm going to have to say One Direction, just because I'm not to familiar with the Jonas Brothers. That being said, I ain't a directioner okay. But (to pacify you Directioners), they have great voices. :)

Radio or iPod?
iPod for me please.


Sleepover at your house or at a friend's house?
Friends.

Just because my house is probably too full of siblings prying through cracks in the walls and listening at keyholes to have a proper sleepover. And too many little ones to be too crazy at night without bringing down the wrath of The Mother upon us (ha ha).

Cookies or apples?
Is this even like a valid question. It would be cookies, duh. *chants* cookies! cookies! cookies!

I love Cookie Monster by the way. <3<3<3 Oh, and Subway cookies as well. 


Playing cards or painting?
Neither. I don't play cards, and I can't paint or draw or do anything that requires me to portray realistic things.

I can do impressionistic doodling though. (!!!)


In a board game, would you rather be a green or a white piece?
GREEN. SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT.


Sorry, I just had to say that. I don't really care about the color actually. I would rather take a bar of chocolate and use bits of it as pieces (of course I have to eat it as I go, otherwise it's no fun). (But then it'll melt and get the board and everything sticky, so.)


I'll be posting updates for what has been going on these past few (silent months) in a few days. Life has been busy, fun, crazy exciting. Like a roller-coaster ride. Which I love. Anyways, have a great summer! Go do something amazing.

xx.

Feb 4, 2014

within the cracks of sunlight



i met someone the other day. her name was failure, and she cruelly reminded me of how incomparable i was with others. i missed the passing mark by so little. yet she still showed up, determined to tell me how much i had missed the passing mark. how much my clumsy fingers floundered at various artistic skills. how terrible my expression of music was. how i couldn't do anything right.

i met someone else the other day as well. his name was bitterness. he followed me just long enough to harbor on the what failure had sneered at me. just long enough to plant that dreadful seed. no more, no less. he wasn't at all rude. he was so kind, and understanding. sympathetic even. but what he told me about others and myself hurt me far more than failure could.


know that the pull of bitterness and failure is strong. so, so strong. don't ever let them get to you like how i let them get me.
because once that happens, it's hard to forget what was once easy to let go.


||

nobody means anything, but they feel like everything. they feel like a myriad of relentless piercing throbs starting the deepest, darkest corner of my heart and spreading through me like wildfire, passionate and uncontrolled. it causes the lump in my throat at terribly inconvenient moments, and it takes everything i can muster to prevent the tears. but sometimes i can't, and i hate it when that happens.

i don't even know where difference is between me, and the illusion of me being who i am not.


i guess it all started when i tried to be someone i wasn't.
when i looked at myself and hated myself for being me, and closed my eyes to the true meaning of loving myself as His beautiful child.

||

i used to imagine sunlight in the shades of dust. how much dust i can see when the sunlight filters through. dust made the light pretty for me, and gave the light perspective. dust is very much unwanted (cleanliness and hygiene-wise). but it's so fascinating, and i can't help loving the unwantedness in it. call me crazy, or laugh at my oddness, but i can see the magical touch dust has on sunlight.

you know how the sea draws back suddenly at low tide, leaving all these debris exposed on the sand? i feel just like that. the cover i've hidden myself under is unraveling, exposing the mess of me. it's not a pretty mess, but it isn't ugly. there's something akin to beauty in that tawny bits of wood lying around, in almost symmetrical scatters. and the rustic glory of the pale, dusty sand.

is fascination with the unbeautiful messes of life good? sometimes people think it's crazy, but maybe that is just because they don't understand.

||

sometimes pouring my thoughts helps me understand why i made choices, and why things happen.

Dec 11, 2013

my book people

via tumblr


i'm the kind of person who understands people in books wayyy more than people in real life. but i'm not that typical kind that is an introvert, shy to speak. i'm loud; noisy, to say the least. i enjoy public speaking, performing in skits, and speaking to new people. strangely, though, i find myself identifying more with the people in books. they're my kindred spirits; people i've never seen, but always known. recently, i've been having a trying time, but books just whisk me away to another world. and the book people, it's like they identify with exactly how i feel. it's like they are me. you know the feeling when people don't understand you, and you don't try very hard to understand them back? i'm a little like that. i must say, though, i have some precious friends are exactly like the book people. they understand. and i've some other friends who just make me laugh and don't expect me to say anything in return. they're amazing. just like the book people. sometimes, i even dream up my very own book people. someday perhaps i'll share them with you lovelies.

i've found a book person unlike one i've never had before. i've not used to having an old, dying man as one of my book people, but (surprisingly/shockingly/astonishingly) yes, i do. as of yesterday night.

maybe some background would help. i was feeling terrible that night. nothing (and when i say nothing, i mean literally nothing) was going right. and i had to clean a pile of dishes and take out the trash, while the little sibs (amazing at times, not so at others) were cleaning the table way too slow for my liking. you know those days. naturally, i was feeling m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e. it was then that i found him.

his name, is ivan ilych. he is the main character in leo tolstoy's the death of ivan ilych. i know, he was a dying, grumpy, old man. grouchy, bad-tempered, ready to bite anyone and anything, with his health in bad shape. and i was like, minus out the dying and sick part--that's me. so that's how i got to know him. he hated everyone because he saw them all as liars. they were simply trying to make him feel better and tell him lies about his health condition. he knew they all wanted him dead a.s.a.p. because he was becoming burdensome and he simply hated that hypocritical-ness.

but he meets this other young man who comes to care for him. gerasim, he's called. he was immediately added to my family of book people. he's bubbling with life. he's honest, frank, and joy simply exudes out of him. ivan ilych enjoys his presence immensely, and when gerasim leaves, both ivan and i felt an extreme sense of regret and sadness. gerasim brought with him something that exuded even through the words and into my self. joy. he cheered ivan ilych and me up. and some people might find that strange that i can be so affected by a book like that. but i do, and i am. ivan learns to let bitterness and hate go, and dies happy and peaceful. the story was beautiful. although tolstoy didn't talk much about gerasim after that brief chapter, well, i believe that he impacted ivan. and me as well.

so go. even if you identify perfectly fine with real people, go find some book people to meet. or make up your own if you're good at writing. because sometimes, God uses them to bring joy to your day.


joy will come in the morning || ♥

Dec 8, 2013

peter pan and the paradox of growing up

via tumblr

when i was little, i loved peter pan. he was amazing, and i felt a thrill rush through me every time i watched wendy and the two boys escape to neverland with him. i never really understand why peter pan didn't want to grow up; i was dying to. i wanted to be old enough to go out and see the world, dress up, put on makeup, and wear heels. but now, i can see why growing up can be painful.

growing up is a thing i have to face always, on a daily basis. frankly, it often scares me stiff when i picture me in five, ten years. or even in the next few months. only four more years to twenty, and sixteen years have passed by just as quickly as the wind blows. adulthood staring me in the face, beckoning at times and yet, frightening at others. i'm not sure i'm ready for it. there are so many more responsibilities when you're grown up. more privileges, yes, but certainly more responsibilities as well. many i was just too idealistic when i was younger. adulthood isn't all that carefree as i pictured it. and sometimes i wish i could just do nothing and slouch around on the couch, eating chips (i might just end up with a bigger belly this holidays), and sleep. but that's not reality.

i don't want to grow up, and yet i want to. it's a paradox (don't you just love that word? the creators of the english language were poetic even in the phonetics) that i have to face. i want freedom and excitement and fun that adulthood brings, but i don't want the responsibilities and cares. i know that's terrible, because i need be be able to handle these sort of things. that's why it always comforts me when i remember that i can cast all my cares on Him, for He can and will carry me through. it's beautiful, really, when i think about it.

p.s: read a post i wrote over summer on growing up.


Nov 25, 2013

it's his birthday


dear darling,

i don't think you quite comprehend how adorable and precious you are to us. you're the first brother we've ever had, and you have been a gobstopasmashing one. i never know what to expect around you; your frank toothy smile with who-knows-what smears around the chin, and your obsession with all things noisy and truck-y. it's almost like living in a extended amusement park with you around. although you have been countless labelled as spoiled by your loving (and awesome) older sisters, you know that you will always have a little special place in our hearts, doncha? you've been kissed, coddled, cuddled, squeezed, pinched, and hugged countless times by us. mom says that you are so blessed because we dote on you too much. but then again, you're growing up, and i'm sure there will be one day you look down at us (from your lofty height) and say, "can you not coddle me in public anymore? i'm getting too old." and my heart will break, but i'll still cuddle you (albeit not in public) because you'll always be little brother.

and when that day comes for you to set off into the world, and taste firsthand what a evil, cruel, and depressing world it is, i'll tell you to see that beauty beneath the ugliness. that if you look closely, you'll see the traces of glorious beauty streaming forth, a reflection of the Creator's radiance.

i can't believe you're already five. it might seem lightyears away from teen-hood and adulthood, but you'll be there someday too soon. and i'm going to treasure every single moment i have with the sweetest, best hair-flicking bro i ever have.

happy birthday, luke.
little sunshine boy.


time's flying too fast || 


{and i'm leaving you with some enthusiastic flag-waving and patriotism from the boy himself}

Nov 19, 2013

and it's mid-november

all photos || via some cool place on tumblr

and hallo, it's already mid-november with a month (only a month!) to the busiest time of the year, Christmas. i don't really know how i've been doing. last week, at the conference, i saw so many people i've missed for the past few years and it was exciting to see what they had been up to and how God was at work in their lives. but when they ask me how i've been doing, i put on a great big smile (that is probably too huge to be genuine and would make the cheshire cat proud) and say i'm doing great. wonderful. fabulous. gobstopasmashing. which isn't totally true of course, but one doesn't expect a torrent of little picky problems to come tumbling out when asked "how have you been."

i don't really know how to answer them anyways. at that moment, i feel alright. ready and brave to conquer fresh problems. but within the next hour, i'm wallowing in a hole of depression and self-pity, which i know is not healthy. mood swings that others tell me it's normal to have at this age. but i don't like this normal. can't normal be joyful and peaceful? i've just been really tired maybe. too tired from focusing too much on the little things in life and missing out on the big picture God has for me. there are so many distractions, so, so many for a teenage girl living in a society that simply parades distractions. and i just have to keep reminding myself: when tired, rest. rest in the peace only He can give.


(anyways, i was just thinking the other day how nice it would be to go travelling for a few months some vague time in the future. see the world that God's created. just thinking about it makes me happy. oh! and in addition, i saw that jocee is having a giveaway of really cool stuff so go on, check her out. you won't be disappointed. {this is a sort of anticlimactic/rambly end to the entire thoughtful ambiance of this post. well, deal with it; that's just my personality ha. and yes, i've missed this dear little place to share my thoughts and with you all. glad to be back after a month of hectic busyness!})

Sep 18, 2013

blog award! and cool stuff like that





yay!

the following cyber cookie + whipped cream latte is for amelia who nominated me for the versatile blogger award, along with fifteen other fun bloggers!

thanks, dear :)


so these are peeps i nominate. very versatile and lovely people they are (in no special order):

  1. Storia by anna (life, dreams, photography)
  2. The Cupcake Dictionary by jocee (life, fangirling, cupcakes -yay-)
  3. Rachel Nicole by rachel (life, family, photography/videography)
  4. A Lavender Sea by tessa (life, travels, family)
  5. The Lone Sparrow by lizabeth (reflections, photography)
  6. Hannah Elise by hannah (photography, life)
  7. Carlotta Cisternas by carlotta (life, photography, thoughts)
  8. Unoriginal Originality by jenn (life, photography, fun stuff)
  9. Bonfire Hearts by johanna (thoughts, life, photography, love)
  10. Standard T by toyoshi (fashion, lifestyle, life, photography)
  11. In Reckless Abandon by marcia (photography, life, love)
  12. Brave by amy (thoughts, life, photography)
  13. Yours Truly... by jess (photography, life, thoughts, coffee)
  14. Grace's Garden Walk by grace (photography, life, thoughts, love)
  15. Finding Beauty by mikailah (photography, life)

if you’re one of the lovely bloggers that I nominated, here’s what you have to do:
  1. display the Award Certificate on your blog.
  2. announce your win with a post (like this one!). make sure you post a link back to whoever nominated you as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
  3. present the award to your own fifteen deserving bloggers.
  4. leave each of the nominees a comment to let them know you’ve nominated them after you have linked them to your post.
  5. post seven interesting things about yourself.
all good? cool stuff. so now, seven interesting things about myself:
  1. a bag of jellies/chocolates won't last a day with me.
  2. i like colors. immensely.
  3. i love heights.
  4. i try to make random strangers laugh, and i love laughing myself.
  5. my favorite thing to do ever is to sleep in on rainy mornings. and then wake up to hot, english breakfast + good book.
  6. i'm a foodie. i take this very seriously.
  7. i think i'm a pretty optimistic person (that means positive person, right?).
  8. whipped cream and latte forever.


lest you think i'm a rebel kid and can't follow simple instructions such as ONLY seven things about myself, the last one's not something about me. it's just like a footnote, that tells you where i stand in the important issue of starbucks and coffee.

Jun 16, 2013

today: life

i was reminded how short life is.

on friday evening, we sent a very dear family friend on his last physical journey at mandai cremation centre. he left us to be with the Lord after a year-long struggle against cancer. he and his family have been such a testimony to all of us. trusting, hoping, and putting their faith in the one true God. never ceasing to exhibit that joy and grace that only comes through believing and clinging to God in trials.

i was reminded to treasure those around me.

to stop hating, to start treasuring the things and people in life.
hate is so bitter. it hurts the hater and the hated. learning to stop hate, bitterness, and petty dislikes.

i was reminded to look with expectancy for life eternal.




this world is not my home,
i'm just a-passing through
my treasures are laid up,
somewhere beyond the blue

xoxo.